Thoughts From a Rooftop
by curry560
Summary: For the outside world looking in, Tristan Oswald's life tapered off over the years. She was lost but found, and now trying to find, not who she is, but how she will decide to live her life.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everybody! This is my first story on FFN. I know that there are some discrepancies in time and age and who is alive but I am using artistic freedom and the fact that I refuse to believe they blew up Kozik. LOL. I have a few chapters already done for this story and a good outline for the future but the feedback I get will decide how far this story goes. Good or bad I need reviews in order to make my writing better. Thanks so much, curry560**

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Chapter One: Pieces of Me

There was a slight breeze floating over the roof of the Teller-Morrow Garage. It moved her journal pages back and forth when she forgot it was in her lap. Times like this, when all was quiet and she could enjoy her spot on the roof, the one Jax let her in on a couple of years ago, Tristan would let her mind wander.

Her recent history had been one, exactly the opposite of what her "perfect" mother had envisioned. At fourteen, Tristan had been raped, by a clown at Charming's summer carnival. A year later, her parents had given up all hope for their daughter and Tristan found a home with Gemma Teller-Morrow. Karen Oswald, Tristan's mother would soon leave town due to the gossip of her "circle of friends." Tristan didn't look back.

She was now eighteen, about to graduate High School and had her plans set on a business degree from the local community college come fall. The girl who once couldn't wait to leave Charming, now never wanted to spend more than a few hours away. Tristan had the Sons of Anarchy to thank for that.

Gemma took her in about a month after the club went in for their 14 month stint. By the time they got out, it was like Tristan had always been around. In her mind she had been. When we was raped, it was the club who took care of the problem. When she retreated so far into herself a single sharp sound would send her into a panic attack, Gemma saved her. The club was everything to her.

This spot on the roof was nice, simple, and it allowed her to reflect on the day she had had. School was never great but she mostly got through it. Kids still remember the rape, though only a few had ever mentioned it. Mainly it was just one boy, Max Napier, a jock; Tristan went on one date with and clamed up when he tried to go to second base. Now he threw whatever insult he could at her.

As always, Tristan ignored him and the few others. Unfortunately for Max, he decided to stalk her out into the parking lot after the last bell and it just happened to Kozik who picked her up.

When Tristan first moved in with Gemma, Gemma was under house arrest. So anytime Tristan had to go somewhere like school, either Tara, Lyla, or a son would take her. Kozik, who had been patched over to Samcro since before the rest went to jail, was the one Tristan allowed around her first. Men in general were Tristan's biggest fear, and big bad biker's where not something she had much to do with in her past.

Tristan had a serious case of hero worship when it came to Herman Kozik. It slowly developed over the last few years, to the point that Tristan basically ignored him unless he was picking her up form school. Blushing was something she really had to learn how to stop doing. He would smile at her and she would look like a blonde tomato.

When the jock, Max, taunted her about her frigidness, Kozik heard and had him held up by his hoodie against the wall of the school. A few whispered threats later and Max Napier was making tracks as fast as he could away from there. Kozik turned to face Tristan and grinned.

The thing is, she was madder at Kozik for rebooting her hero worship blush than at what Max Napier had said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello Everyone, I thank you all for the reviews and follows and favorites and everything. Your reviews were most helpful. I am about a chapter and a half ahead of schedule and plan to keep it that way. I will most likely post every other to every three days depending on my school schedule. I am also debating on writing on of these from Kozik's point of view. It wouldn't be for a couple of more chapters but I wanted to know what you all thought about that. Again the more reviews, good and bad, that I get, the better I and my story become. Thanks, curry560**

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**Chapter 2: Long Hard Times to Come**

Rogue River and Tacoma were coming in for the week and Gemma had Tristan cleaning dorm rooms at the club house. It was around eight p.m. and she opened the door to Kozik's, she saved it for last. The room was relatively neat. The dirty clothes in a hamper near the closet and no trash out of the can. She was just finishing up, making the bed, when he burst in the room. He stopped short when he noticed her with a pillow in her hand.

"Gemma said I'd find you back here," his words were soft.

Tristan laid the pillow on the bed and made for the door, "I'm done now." She made to leave the room but he apparently had other plans. Quick as a cat he shut the door and laid against it.

"I want to talk to you for a minute." When she didn't make a move he continued, "Why have you been avoiding me T?"

Tristan faltered, opened her mouth to say something, anything, couldn't do it and closed her mouth again. Confrontation was not one of her strong points. Feeling like a fish out of water was an understatement.

"T, did I do something? Say something?" He paused, looking at her for an answer. "Come on T, help me out here, you won't even look at me anymore."

"_Time to put on my big girl panties."_ She thought. _"I can't keep avoiding him. I can do this. Just act tough and I can make out of here with out looking like an idiot."_

She swallowed took a deep breath and made eye contact, "I'm not a little girl anymore, Kozik. Just because I don't run up to you anymore the minute you walk in the door, doesn't mean I'm mad. I have other things to do and I talk to other people too. I don't see what the big deal is. You are not the center of my attention." Tristan tried to push him out of the way of the door.

Kozik grabbed her shoulders and spun her around so she was up against the door. His eyes bored into hers. After a few horrible seconds, he said, "You're right T, you are a big girl." With that he opened the door pushed Tristan out into the hallway and slammed the door after her.

Back on the garage roof, she thought back over the events of the evening. It was dark and she knew she needed to get home. But her usual ride had just kicked her out and slammed the door in her face. She didn't know what to do. Dealings with the opposite sex still didn't go too good for her unless it came to those she thought of like a father, Clay, Tig, and Chibs, and those she thought of as brothers, Jax, Opie, and Juice. Kozik was on a whole other level.

She heard the thump of leather and metal and saw Jax come up the top of the ladder. He came and sat next to her.

"Hey T"

"Hey Jax" she didn't look at him, but out over the lot.

"You ready to head home, hun." He asked bumping shoulders with her. "I'm your ride tonight."

"Sure, if you're ready."

"Anything you want to talk about before we go back to the real world?" He would usually refer to the time spent on the roof as being away from the real world. When you came back down, reality sunk back in.

"I'm good Jax, but thanks." She decided that talking to Jax about any member of the club about some "crazy crush" as she labels it would not be a good idea.

"Alright sugar, but I'm here, in full big brother capacity when you need me."

He always was. But "Big Brother" was not who she needed to speak to about her boy problems. And she was completely wrong, she was a total idiot tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello Everyone, again I can not tell you how much your reviews, and follows, and favorites mean to me! It really helps me when I sit down to write knowing what you all want and don't want. Reviewing is the way to improve my ability as an author. I hit a writing spurt today so I thought I would go ahead and post this one up here. Review, and thanks, curry560**

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**Chapter 3: Life Ain't Always Beautiful**

The party was in full swing by the time Gemma and Tristan arrived. It was to welcome Rogue River and Tacoma to Charming. Though the Crow Eaters where around, anything explicit was done behind closed doors. This party was as kid friendly as Samcro would make it. Alcohol still flowed, fights fought in the ring, and music loud enough to bust your ear drums was still present.

Gemma loved those parties of for only one reason; Tristan became her life size Barbie doll. Tonight was no different. A long turquoise, strapless, maxi dress was what they finally agreed on. Tristan's number one fashion rule being, legs covered if arms were bare and vice versa. Showing off her body was not something Tristan was comfortable with at all.

Tristan made a bee line foe Abel who was on Tara's hip. After taking him, she used him as an excuse to go outside to the playground with the other kids. During parties, this was where she would usually hole up. These kids were as close as her siblings as she had ever had.

She spent time pushing the little ones on the swings and have a "girl talk" with Ellie Winston. Tristan was having as good of a time as she could. It unnerved her to spend so much time around so many men she didn't know. But before she could spend too much time dwelling on it Gemma found her.

After a long lecture about how much work Gemma had out in to getting her ready for tonight and how it was time for her to get a grip and find a guy, Tristan was dragged back inside to "mingle" as Gemma had put it. Tristan was ready to go home.

A walk through the club house found Tristan on a bar stool chatting with Filthy Phil, a prospect for the club and tonight's bar tender. Sipping a soda and wearing a maxi dress in a clubhouse full of bikers put a target the size of a soccer ball on Tristan's face. Sons from the outside charters would wander over, "to pay respects" as Gemma put it since she was the ward of the Morrow's. Tristan hated it. Some were genuinely nice but some would leer at her and make comments and suggestions that could make nun's curse.

This night saw one in particular member setting his sights on Tristan. He was from Tacoma, bulky but around the height of Juice. His face was covered by a thick beard and the smell of alcohol rolled off of him. Not one to make a scene she tried to be polite and subtly send a look to Phil for help. Unfortunately before she could figure out a way to get away, he had grabbed her are and was pulling her off of the stool.

"What do you say doll face, how bout we go get ourselves better acquainted?" he leered at her. Tristan, at first shocked, then angry, and finally scared, started struggling against his grip on her arm.

"Let me go! I am not going anywh…" she was cut off as a fist found its self in the Tacoma Son's face. Her arm was suddenly free but in the next second, she was pulled out of the way by Chibs.

"Come on Lass; let's get out of the way." Chibs started leading her outside. "This will be taken to the ring. It's the easiest way to get this over with."

"Chibs, I didn't start this, I… He had my arm. I couldn't get away." Tristan was shaky, and wanted a whole in the floor to open up and swallow her whole.

"I know that Tristan, me girl." He stated while rubbing her back. "This is a club matter now. No one messes with the President's daughter, love."

"I'm not Clay's daughter Chibs. I hate all of this attention."

"Lass, you might as well be his daughter. The matter will be settled. No more worries, ok?" he turned her chin up to face him.

"Alright. Who's going to fight him?" She asked, but already knew the answer.

"It was Kozik, love. Always coming to save your day, eh?" The smirk on his face made Tristan turn shades of red she usually was when Kozik was around.

There was no escape to the roof tonight. Making a climb in a dress was not a smart thing to do, Tristan had already tried it once before. With all of her thoughts about why she didn't consider herself normal and all the blame at her rape years before, Tristan just wanted to go one day with a clear head. She just didn't know how to get there.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everyone, As always I was thrilled with the reviews and follows, and favorites. It has been a few days since I last updated, school and work are kicking my butt. I am still about a chapter ahead in my writing and am still on track with my outline. I love writing this story and each chapter becomes my new favorite. This is my favorite so far, but Chapter 5 will really be amazing storyline wise and I have a big suprise in a couple of more chapters. I hope you are still enjoying reading this as well. Thanks, curry560**

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Chapter 4: Right Here

Her last class was Senior English. It was easily one of her favorites. There was something very alluring to Tristan about putting thoughts on paper and methodically going through them. This was a process constantly used in her real life. A journal almost full of her thoughts was shoved between her mattress and box springs.

But on this day, Tristan was anxious about the ringing of the last bell. It was Monday, which was usually Kozik's day to pick her up. She hadn't seen him since the party two days before. Juice had been full of the play by play of the fight Sunday morning at the breakfast Gemma always had. Everyone talked as if it was the best thing they had ever seen. Kozik noticeably missed the meal.

There was a slight chance that it would be someone else with her ride since the influx of other charters but Tristan highly doubted she would get that lucky. No, today was going to be an all-round crappy Monday.

When Tristan decided she couldn't take it anymore, the final bell rang. With a groan, she stood up, grabbed her backpack and made her way to her locker. The kids at San Joaquin High School didn't have much to go with the quiet, reserved girl. Most either labeled her as "the rape girl" or "biker trash." Named didn't bother her, Tristan learned a long time ago to tune out the vomit others spewed. No one came near her as she put up her books and bag and walked out of the building homework free.

Kozik was leaning on his motorcycle smoking a cigarette. Teachers didn't have the nerve to tell him to put it out on the smoke free campus. Girls were stealing glimpses of him as they passed and Tristan knew his ego was extremely inflated right now. She couldn't blame them; he was for lack of a better word, hot. A dark grey t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, sunglasses, and messy hair was hard to miss.

When he saw her, he dropped the smoke, stubbed it out and got on the bike. After taking his helmet and without a word, Tristan climbed on after him, but awkwardly trying to figure out where to put her hands. He reached back, grabbed them and pulled her close, arms around him. _There goes ignoring him out the window._ She grimly thought.

He gunned it out of the parking lot, making kids, parents, and teachers stare. Tristan just closed her eyes and laid her cheek against his back. It was awhile before she noticed that they should have been to the club house by now. That was where she usually went after school. Instead they were heading in the opposite direction, towards the park.

After pulling into a parking spot, Kozik shut off the bike, and waited for Tristan to get off. He grabbed his bed roll from behind where she was formerly perched, and led her out into the grass, finding a spot beneath a large shady tree. They both sat, facing each other on the spread out blanket; silence surrounding them.

Kozik was the first to speak, "I'm done playing games with you T. I don't care how long it takes for you to talk, T, but we ain't leaving until you tell me what the problem is. Got it?" but his words were met with silence. He pushed his sunglasses to rest on the top of his head and Tristan caught a look at his left eye.

"Oh, my God! What happened to you?" she rushed, reaching out to grab his face. He winced and pulled back sharply when she touched the nasty purple and blue bruise.

"Damn girl, Stop!" he pulled her hand away. "I'm fine. Dip Shit from the other night clocked me a few times. Wasn't nothing compared to the beating he got."

"Did you have to fight him, Koz? Wasn't getting him in the bar enough?"

"There ain't gonna be anyone laying an unwanted hand you T. Alright? I'm not going to let it happen. Now stop avoiding the subject and talk to me."

Tristan squirmed under his intense stare. There were times she thought he could even out do Gemma. She had no clue how to put her feelings into words, so she stayed quiet. Finally she asked the question that had been haunting her for years, "When's it going to stop?"

"When is what going to stop T?" he was completely confused.

"When are you going to decided I'm too old to be followed around? When are you going to stop playing my personal super hero Koz?" she was feeling like she was choking up. Crying, she knew, was not going to make this any better.

"I'm not going to stop Tristan. I'm always going to be here. Period. You ain't going to get rid of me." He was so full of macho confidence, Tristan had to smile, which made him grin.

"Not even after I turn 18? And what happens if you want to move on/ go back to Tacoma? What if you find a girl? Koz she's not gonna like it when you come running if I have some nightmare or," He stopped her in the middle of her rant.

"T, look at me." He waited until she complied, and went on, "When you turn 18, it's just gonna up my job even more. And if something happens and I wanna move, which I am positive I won't want to, you're going with me. There ain't ever gonna be no girl or Old Lady. Babe, I've been there and done that. Unless you find some guy to be with, I ain't ever gonna leave you, T. It's just gonna be me and you. The end." He pulled her to him and threw his arm around her while erasing her fears. Though with every fear he erased, he brought new ones too.

Her day ended back up on the roof of the Teller-Morrow Garage, with Jax who had just come up to find her.

"You and Koz were gone for a long time today. Anything happen?" Jax was always trying to dig for information.

"Nope. Just a talk. Nothing much. Why?" she asked avoiding his eyes.

"You just seemed out of it even more than usual when you got back. Everything patched back up?"

"Yeah, we're good."

"You better be. We are all sick of his pissy ass. When you to fight it's like you both lost your dog or something." He paused for a few moments, "You about ready to go home? I'll take ya."

"Give me minute, and I'll be down, Jax." She watched him disappear over the ladder.

Oh boy where there new fears with her whole "thing" with Kozik.

Namely, why he was so stuck on her and how much everybody else seemed to pay attention to the two of them. This would give her a lot more to think about.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello Everyone, this was probably my most favorite chapter to write. It gave me a perspective challenge. The next two chapters are wrote, but I believe that I will go back over them. They seem very choppy and I just am not happy with them. Hopefully it won't be too long before a new update. Thanks so very much for the reviews. M****any thanks as always, curry560**

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**Chapter 5: Nothin On You**

It was hot. Unfortunately there was no other way to sugar coat it. It was hot, the end. California was a great place to live but every once in a while, there was a miserable day like today and it just sucked. And to make it all that much more worse, he had to work.

Herman Kozik would not, under any circumstance classify himself as a lazy man. No sir. Herman Kozik was always up for the job, no matter the size. But working on a day like this was not something he was going to be spunky about.

Club business was nada today so most of the members were putting in time at the garage. The pay was good and so he usually didn't complain. Oil changes and tire rotations were just mundane enough that he could let his mind wander and not screw up the job.

He had been stationed in Charming for a few years now, officially since the 14 month stint in Stockton that most to the Redwood guys had to pull. He came because Samcro needed bodies and as usual, he was up for the job. Now he stayed from something entirely different. Make that someone and she had just come into the lot.

When his preoccupation with the teenager started, he couldn't quite pinpoint. It could be the day Gemma brought her to the clubhouse and introduced her to the guys not in jail. Gemma had already done her six month house arrest and Tristan had been living with her for two. Tristan wouldn't look at any of them, and Gemma kept telling her none of us would hurt her. For sure that put a crack in his heart. Maybe it was the first time he threatened off some little punk from school for cornering her outside of the gym and trying to feel her up. She shook like a leaf the whole way home and he almost drove off the street twice; too busy looking at her in the seat next to him, afraid she was going to jump from the truck or something. No he didn't know when it would happen but it did and there was no changing it.

She was his everything. It was that simple. Though anyone outside of the club would have no idea of how to understand, it worked for them. He didn't have fatherly thoughts towards her, but he didn't have the same carnal desires he had of crow eaters either. She wouldn't be 18 for a few more weeks and as adorable as she was, he had no intentions of getting her into bed for anything other than sleeping. Gemma flipped her lid the morning after a party at the clubhouse, and she couldn't find Tristan anywhere. Koz and Tristan were curled up in his bed, fully clothed and asleep.

It wouldn't matter if he wanted to do more than sleep with her. Tristan was scared of every man she met and any touching, even a hug, from someone outside of Samcro sent her into a hyperventilating tailspin that either Gemma or he could only get her out of.

He would never take an Old Lady, figuring that in a few more years he would have Tristan inked to make her his. This would be the only way to keep others away from her and it was getting damn sure hard to explain his overzealous protection of her. The explanation wasn't understood by brothers from outside clubs in a world where once legal, she was fair game.

Wiping his hands on a rag, he watched her from the shadows of the garage. Piney picked her up, he was going by the school on an errand anyway. She looked good. Denim shorts and a Reaper Crew t-shirt. He would look and appreciate, but that was it. Some days he wanted to strangle Gemma with the way she would dress her up sometimes. It was too good, like the other night when he fought a brother for the way he man handled her.

He walked out, towards her pulling a cigarette from a pack and lighting it up. She lit up like a Christmas tree when she saw him approach. He pushed a hand through his hair, sticky from grease, fumes, and sweat. It was hot.

Maybe he would take the rest of the afternoon off.

Before he could open his mouth to say hi, she floored him.

"Koz! I have a date! Friday night with Nick Mitchell! Isn't that awesome?"

If only she didn't look so happy. If only she wasn't smiling and practically jumping up and down. If only he could break someone's face in, namely Nick Mitchell. If only, if only, if fucking only.


End file.
